the sun rises every day. the birds chirp every day. people go to work every day. as if what we are doing is normal. as if we have not just, collectively, been sent a sign that business as usual is not going to work. why do we continue to fight? why do we continue to buy? why do we continue to advertise? why do we continue to pretend that spending the few decades that humans have on earth, continuing to extract, and work, and grind, and all that just so we can eat, have shelter, have creature comforts, care for our health, and have a few precious moments of relaxation, awe, rest, fun, and flow.
why do we continue to posture, to be the best, or the most successful, or the strongest? why do we pretend that markers of ‘success’ —a fulfilling career (how can one be fulfilled when your livelihood depends on continuing to do, just do do do), a house, two and a half kids (or maybe a dog or a cat, or some plants, or simply an oasis, pick your category), a degree, or an accolade, or a lifestyle, why? why do we look outside, or on the news, or on social media, or listening to other humans, and see and hear and feel the strange… this is not normal-ness, and continue to wake up, brush your teeth, go for a run, meditate, have breakfast, and get on with the day?
every day i wake up and say: today is the day i will live my purpose. today is the day i will find that job, i will find that meaning, i will do that educational program, i will call this friend, I will plan that vacation, i will buy a new wardrobe, i will adopt a pet, i will garden, i will go on a walk and smell the roses, feel the sun on my skin, smile, and be thankful that i am living. or maybe i will detach myself, ascend, meditate, calm the mind and become a transient soul who can simply observe their way through the few decades on earth that i have.
ask, and i mean, truly ask anyone: what is a good life to you? they may espouse goals of power, ambition, attention, money, etc. and ask again, and deeper and they espouse goals of peace, harmony, time, health. they do not wish for some humans to have a space to live and for others to lie on the cold streets with the perfume of car exhaust and urine. they do not wish for humans who despair so much to find solace in chemicals that give the illusionary feeling of bliss, slowly passing the time until the sweet embrace of death or perhaps a miracle or perhaps the will to claw their way out or perhaps a helping hand or perhaps a change in circumstance or perhaps… they do not wish for the mental and physical prison of the absolute and utter fake-ness of money, money that is now, a basic need. they do not wish for violent destruction of nature, they do not wish for violent treatment of humans, or animals. i know this because they cannot bear to see it, they speak of it in impersonal terms like ‘conflict in xyz country’ and ‘adverse childhood experiences’ and ‘mental illness’ and ‘trauma dumping’ and ‘climate change’ and ‘extinct species’ and ‘debt’ and ‘substance abuse’ and ‘grind culture’.
the sun rises every day, and i wonder what the hell am i doing. oh yes, i have goals, and wants, and desires. i am an artist. i am a student. i am a teacher. i am a gardener. i love, and love so deeply that i wish i did not love at all. i wish i did not see this, i wish i did not feel this. i cannot turn it off, i cannot not feel. i have tried: spiritually in prayer and ritual, mentally in varying forms of therapy, chemically in substances, physically in exercise, educationally in learning, financially in spending, and saving, purposefully in working. and still, i cannot shake the feeling that something is simply not right. yes it is me, it is we, it is us. living in a collective dissonance, pretending that the way things have been is the way things will always be, forgetting, or choosing to forget that the only constant thing in life is change, and picking up another mask for this new world.
i am here, diving in. deep within. and this is what i have found. so far.
